Saturday, October 9, 2010

Kahon Ng Mga Pangarap

‘Wari ko parang tinutusok ng karayom ang puso ko. Ang kirot. Ang hapdi. Di ko alam kung ano ang isasagot ko sa tanong ni Susan. Hinangod ko ang kaniyang likod kahit sa ganuong paraan maramdaman niya na hindi siya nag-iisa.

"Anak huminahon ka. Harapin natin ang pangyayari. Wala narin naman tayong magagawa. Wala na ang kapatid mo."

Lalo lamang humagolgol sa pag-iyak si Susan. Pati ang ibang tao sa kuwartong iyon ay nakidalamhati na rin sa amin.

"Susan, seguro naman matatanggap ng nanay mo ang nangyari. Kaya nga lang di ko matitiyak kung makakaya niyang harapin ang totoo lalo ngayon may sakit pa siya."

"Baka po lalu lamang mabinat at lumala ang karamdaman ng nanay."

Sa pag-uusap namin ni Susan may kung anong bagay na pumasok sa aking isipan na dapat kong isagawa anuman ang kalabasan nito.

"Dito ka muna anak. Babalikan kita. Sumama lang ang pakiramdam ko. Magbabanyo muna ako."

Iniwan ko si Susan at tinungo ang banyo. Doon ko ibinuhos ang nagpupuyos kong damdamin. Umiyak ako. Iba’t-ibang emosyon ang pumasok sa puso ko’t isipan: Bakit hinangad ko pang marating ang Maynila? Kung alam ko lang sana na ito ang madadatnan ko sana di nalang ako pumarito. Kailangan ko bang danasin ito? Hindi ito ang pinangarap ko! Pero di ko rin kayang baliwalain ito: Ang ate. Ang pamilya niya. Sila ay pamilya ko. Nahinto ang pagsi "self-pity" ko nang pumasok ang isang mama. Agad inayos ko ang sarili at lumabas ng banyo.

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